Why I’m a Dog Person

Dogs are better than cats. I believe this to be universally known, but the sad fact is that some, even within my own family, are still entrapped in the sad delusion that cats even compare (no offense, cat lovers). Personally, I prefer dogs because they’re cuter, more enthusiastic, and a bit more fun to play with than your average tabby, but here’s a whole list of other reasons why you friends of felines are all wrong! (Note: all examples will be based on my friends old cat, Toddie, the cat who was Not Actually A Boy Despite Previous Beliefs to the Contrary)

  • Cats are Mean.

Cats are known for displaying almost no loyalty to the people who supply them with food, shelter, and love. Example: the number of scratches cat owners accumulate.

  • Cats are Egotistical

This one is pretty understandable, I suppose. Ones head would start to swell if one was actively worshipped by idiots people for hundreds of years. Example: the Egyptians

  • Cats are Self-Serving

Ready to give them a stroke? BAMTHEYAPPEAR. Ready to feed ‘em? POWTHERETHEYARE. Feeling sad and in need of a mood-improvement? Ha. Your naivete astounds.

  • Cats will Estrange you so Much that you will be Happy when they Die

That’s… I feel that it’s pretty self-explanatory.



PS: I should really have called this Why I’m Not a Cat Person

PPS: This is based on one cat

PPPS: Don’t kill me happy cat owners

PPPPS: I didn’t mean it about the death. I hope your cat never dies ever. I hope your cat is immortal.


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