We wanted to define her, to wrap her up as we did each other, but we could not seem to get past “weird” and “strange” and “goofy.” Her ways knocked us off balance.
-Jerry Spinelli, Stargirl
I have problems with individuality. Not with other people, understand. Just me.
I find it amazing, and wonderful, and inspiring when someone is confident enough to wear something even a little bit unusual, to the extent that I get excited about interestingly patterned tights. There is a girl in my school that wore a flower crown roughly three-quarters of a year ago, and to this day I wish for her confidence, which she probably doesn’t even need to think about, due to her never-ending amazingness FLOWER CROWN FOR GOD’S SAKE
Every day I try to be unique in little ways (Cake earrings, anybody?), but what about when little isn’t enough? When you really want to feel new, and unique, and different, and YOURSELF, and all you can do is put little plastic baked goods in your ears because you are literally crippled by the fear of being noticed, and judged negatively. Yes, I like these pants, but what if I look fat? Yes, this hairband is ADORABLE, but what if my hair looks stupid? It’s basically fear of rejection, but worse, because you’re always rejected, and it’s always you that does it.
This year, my early resolution is to stop being scared. Of what people think, of doing things I’d like to, of wearing stuff that I like, and that I feel comfortable in, even if it makes me look like a middle school Tavi Gevinson. Especially if it makes me look like a middle school Tavi Gevinson.
School is about to start, and I promise you, my dear, dear blog, that every day I will do something different with my appearance, be it my schoolbag, my books, my uniform, or my face. I will find a way to apply mascara without getting it on my nose! I will find a decent way to wear the ridiculously ill-fitting school skirt I got last year! I will (dare I say it) learn how to apply eyeliner properly!
And, most importantly, I will pull off a flower crown.
KISSES MY BEAUTIFUL DAHLINGS
PS: Have ideas for my upcoming year? Commeeeent!