Being a teenage girl whose specialty is being bad at communicating with other human beings, I have mastered the art of answering polite ice-breaker questions with as few words as possible. You know the type, the oh-look-the-weather queries people will throw at you when you’re making them
uncomfortable with the way you just stand there not talking holding a knife with a Joker-from-Batman smile on your face feel awkward.
Some common ones are:
- “How old are you again?”
- “So… the weather… ah… weird, right..?”
“Can you put the knife down please?”
And, the killer:
4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I’ve gotten the answering of all these questions down to a science (fourteen, yes, no), but the only one I really regret shortening to the extent I do is Answer No. 4:
Doctor/ Author/ Computer Programmer/ Time Lord
What I really want to do when asked this is elaborate, but since I’m being my don’t-talk-to-me-or-I’ll-eat-your-puppy persona, this would be out of character, and thus unprofessional. However, I’m going to do so here, for your benefit, so if you’ve met me before, you can learn that there is (believe it or not) an actual human being behind all the awkward.
I want to learn as much as I can about EVERYTHING, EVER, and I also want to make a difference to the world, and I ALSO want to help people, and I want to make people call me the Doctor, because at SOME point he’s just going to HAVE to regenerate into a female. I’m sorry.
(Note: That is a Doctor Who reference. Yes. I’m sorry.)
From a very young age, I’ve enjoyed writing, to the extent that, when I was eight, the three other girls at my table in school and I wrote a (short) book of poems, which is still in our wee little class library today! My love of blathering away on paper is evident here at ciaratheunicorn, in my future Twitter account which will make people weep with it’s 140-character beauty, and in my future novel, which will go on to be more successful (and heartbreaking) than the Fault in Our Stars (by the amazing John Green) and the entire of the Harry Potter series put together, which we all know makes a HELLA LOT OF SUCCESSFUL HEARTBREAKING.
(Note: Do you see why I’d make a good Doctor? Does this blog not SCREAM time travel?)
3. COMPUTER PROGRAMMER
A profession where it is not only necessary, but encouraged, to stare at a screen all day is a profession I want to be in.
(Note: I also want to be computer programmer and a girl at the same time, if you can even comprehend that. Now, I don’t know what it’s like in Coder Dojo -which I attend frequently- in places other than Cork, but here it is completely male-dominated, to the point when my six friends and I are likely to be the only girls in the room. That said, I don’t think me being a girl has ever made a difference in how I’m treated, and what I really want to say is if you’re female, CHECK OUT CODER DOJO BECAUSE IT IS AMAZING AND FUN AND YOU LEARN SO MUCH AND IT JUST HAS ALL OF THE AWESOME)
4. TIME LORD
‘Cuz lezbihonest, we all wanna be Time Lords.
KISSES MY INCREASINGLY PUT-UPON DAHLINGS,