Ambitions and Apologies (and also, Nosebleeds)

To start this post, I want to apologise for not posting the past week; I’ve been busy, and lazy, and writing sometimes is something I want to do privately. I’m really, reeeeaaallly sorry, and I’ll try and get back into my schedule!

Yesterday, I decided to run for student council. This mightn’t sound like a big deal, but it’s playing into my general goal to MAKE MORE EFFORT THIS YEAR. To that end, I’m studying more, writing poetry for the biannual school magazine, the Sketch, and, yes, running for student council. Last year I didn’t want to stand out in particular, but this year, well. I’m already cookie hairclip girl.

(Did I mention I finally wore my cookie hairclip?! And only, like, three people asked could they try some!)

I had an okay day today, which here means that while the morning was hard, the afternoon more than made up for it. If you know me, you’ll know about my frequent, random nosebleeds, which I started getting when I was way younger, and recently have been happening again. As far as I can tell, they’re triggered by me overheating, so naturally I’ve had more than a few in school. Today, I had Tech Graph (Mechanical Drawing, Technical Graphics, or whichever you wanna call it), where we were practicing drawing at speed, and it was too hot, and I was uncomfortable, and my rubber was leaving pink marks on my page so I couldn’t rub out my mistakes, and I was super frustrated, and on the verge of tears. Because I’m a ridiculous person that needs to be perfect at everything IMMEDIATELY without trying and who deals with mistakes VERY BADLY. Anyway, I didn’t cry in Tech Graph (yay me) but instead, proceeded to Irish. There, I was moved from my seat with my friends next to people I don’t know very well, and while that didn’t really help, I was managing. I have a bit of a cold, so I blew my nose, and then (you guessed it) my nose started to bleed. Like I said, it’d happened in class before, and I’d managed it fine, waiting for it to stop then mopping up my hands, but this time it was the final straw, and I burst out crying. I can’t really explain how it felt, but I literally couldn’t stop crying. I would try, and I would manage for a time, but I’d try going back into the classroom, and I’d start again, and I just couldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried.

Meanwhile, the fourth years were getting their Junior Cert results, so I suppose I could’ve looked like a desperately disappointed, really small, one of them..? Either way, I couldn’t spend the entire time hiding in the toilets, and I did manage to go back to class for the last ten minutes of the day.

Luckily, my day only got better from there. My Brave TARDIS shirt came, I went to Athletics and didn’t die, I had a long shower, promised some people hugs on Instagram, I did my homework, and I am ALL SET for tomorrow.

If I do know you, I AM OKAY IF A LITTLE EMBARASSED

I if I don’t, LUCKY YOU

KISSES MY WONDERFUL DAHLINGS

Ciara

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